Our Adventure called Life

Looking back I love "looking back" on Facebook at the pictures and posts from years past.  The other day the above picture popped up in my feed.  Five years after this photo was taken, I look at it and feel my heart drop.  I can still feel the sadness that I carried in my heart on that very day.  I can see my smile was forced and although I was glad to be surrounded by dear friends, I felt alone. I was roughly 1.5 months pregnant with our honeymoon baby.  I knew the child in my stomach had been dealt a fatal prognosis.   I knew the chance of me carrying this baby to full term was less than 1%.  I knew that every second I carried this baby was 1 second closer to having to tell her good-bye. A small number of people knew at the time what my husband and I were facing, I didn't want to deal with the woeful looks from friends and family.  Looking back, I wouldn't change that.  We needed the time both during and after to figure out how to ...

Now that all those crazy pregnancy hormones that had me sobbing through verse after verse of "You are My Sunshine," have left my system, I want to revisit my pregnancy. I never want to forget the highs and not-so-highs of being pregnant. The lows... -The constant worry.  I worried about the baby, Scott worried about me and the baby. I worried about Scott worrying about me and the baby.  Worrying sucks. -The time frame that your pants are uncomfortably snug but it'd be silly to start wearing maternity clothes that early. It's also the same time frame when (you think) people are noticing your weight gain but they don't know you're pregnant.  You just feel fat, not pregnant. -The constant need to pee. Having to pee the second before you leave the house and the need to pee as soon as you get to your destination, even if your destination is just a mile down the road. -Hemorrhoids. No details needed. -Heartburn. The kind that wakes you up in the middle of the...

Besides getting settled into our new home, I also poured as much love into our little fish as possible.  I stared at him a little longer than normal as he sat in his highchair eating breakfast.  I watched his lightening fast movement as he raced through the day, playing with various toys and often running to me asking for a "huggy" (hug).  As he suddenly began asking me to rock him before bed (which I hadn't done in months), I happily agreed and sang him song after song until I couldn't think of another lyric.  I held my boy tight and tried imagining life with two.  I was anxious and excited all at the same time. My wedding bands stopped fitting weeks ago and in their place I wore my maternal grandmothers wedding band and a diamond band from my paternal grandmother.  My belly button had long ago changed from a small cavern to a flat plateau.  My ankles started to look swollen as were my legs.  Sleep became an elusive friend that would leav...

Hello belly! I am officially more pregnant than I have ever been!  I had Paisley at 36 wks and 3 days.  As of today I am 36 weeks and 5 days.  Being on bed rest vs not has been a completely different experience.  I have had more physical discomfort with this pregnancy and finding clothes to wear out in public has been difficult at times.  However, I'll take the non-bed rest route any time! I finished working at the university about a week and a half ago and we have been in the full swing of moving.  Yes, you read that correctly.  At 9 months pregnant we are moving into a new house.  If you think about it, Scott and I like to throw several HUGE events in the same time frame every chance we get.  When we got married, Scott quit his job the week before and took a new job.  The week we had Paisley, Scott quit his job and took a new job.  Now we are 2 weeks away from having our baby and we have bought and remodeled a new house. ...

Loving Momma's belly I haven't been nearly as good blogging about this pregnancy as I did when I was pregnant with Paisley.  On one hand this pregnancy is just about as quiet and peaceful as it gets.  I have only had 2 ultrasounds, I have had normal appointments, and I'm not on bed rest (which = a lot less time to blog.).   Maybe I just feel like I don't have as much to say about it this time around...or maybe I just don't want to jinx anything by writing how perfect this pregnancy is going?  On the other hand, I've been soaking in every moment of being pregnant, being as present in each moment as I can be, and enjoying the remaining months with Paisley that he is an only child.  I don't pick up the computer while Paisley is awake, I want to be fully focused on him and what he is doing.  By the time he goes to bed at 8, I want to focus on Scott and catch up on things with him.  That doesn't leave a lot of time for me to record all the details ...

The Pregnant Momma As I had my blood drawn for the triple screen test, I was nervous.  My wonderful Dr. told me she would call if the test came back with a positive for increased levels of AFP, hCG, or Estriol.  I should have asked how long the results typically take because after a week went by, I wasn't sure if I should be relieved because she hadn't called or if I should continue to worry because the results weren't back.  I did what any normal concerned Momma would do...I called the office.  I explained that I knew they wouldn't call unless the test came back with "something," but I needed to know if I could go ahead and stop worrying.  She laughed and said she would check if the results were back.  She put me on hold and the only sounds I could hear were my heartbeat and the elevator music.  My heartbeat was louder than the music yet strangely it seemed they were in tune.  I heard the "hold" button click off and she said with a lau...

Getting ready for baby (2011) Preparing for Baby #2 is so much different than preparing for #1.   It’s kind of like getting ready to board a 747 to Europe.   I know the ride is going to be long, bumpy, and at times uncomfortable.   But I also know that once the plane lands and the jet lag wears off, I’ll be ready to explore this new land (or tiny person) and enjoy every second of the trip (or lifetime in this case). A few popular questions I have received thus far; Have your dreams revealed the gender of the baby? With Paisley, before I was out of my first trimester, I dreamed about my perfect little blue eyed boy.   Sure enough, the ultra-sound later revealed a perfect little boy and upon his birth the bluest eyes you ever did see.   This time around I have dreamt about a boy and a girl (no, there are NOT twins in there).   I have felt sicker this time around, but that could be because I am chasing a very busy toddler while growing a new baby....

Tuesday morning (Dec. 4th) as Scott got ready for work, I stayed in bed and thought about what would happen in the next few minutes.  He had no idea the moment he left for work, I would take a pregnancy test in which I was already sure would be positive.  There was no reason for me to even suspect I was pregnant.  If I did test positive, I wouldn't even be 4 weeks yet.  I wasn't sure if these cheap tests could even detect pregnancy at such an early stage.  But, I knew I needed to take one and see if it was positive.  It was (insert shriek and shaking hands). I was excited and scared all at the same moment.  Little did Scott know we were about to begin another wild ride, only this time we were taking a toddler with us.  I debated calling Scott, showing up at his work, or even sending him a text that said "pregnant."  OK, I wasn't going to send him a text, but the thought was kind of funny. Paisley was the only person I told.  I...

Five years ago, if you asked Scott and I if we wanted children, we would have given you a very non-chalant answer. Probably something along the lines of, "Well, maybe? I mean, if it happens, it happens." Like I said, non-chalant. Then it happened. Yep, we are fully aware how it happened, we just didn't really think it would happen. We were on our honeymoon, what are the chances of getting pregnant on your honeymoon? Apparently, the planets were aligned and there must have been a high tide or something. Six weeks after our honeymoon, I felt bizarre. I thought being married was making me crazy until Scott suggested I take a pregnancy test. I did, it was positive, and we freaked out a little bit. We scheduled an appointment and realized that not only were we going to be adapting to married life, we would also be adapting to parenthood. We walked into our first appointment at 9 weeks with excitement and nervousness. How can you prepare for the first time you see you...

 Image courtesy of Google This blog is as much a place for information for family and friends as it is a reminder to Scott and I of the places we’ve been and the experiences we’ve had. This pregnancy hasn’t been easy. There have been moments that have downright sucked, but after every dark night came a bright morning. My timeline below may be a week or so off, but I want to remember and to always be thankful for all that we have been through to get to where we are now. The beginning of this pregnancy was a cake walk. My cravings were easy to satisfy and I never got sick. At our first ultrasound we saw our little gummy bear. The heartbeat was perfect and all was well. My Dr. said she didn’t see anything that caused concern, but due to our history if we wanted a follow-up 4D ultrasound with a specialist just to ease our fears, she would make it happen. We jumped at the chance. While doing the 4D ultrasound there was an obvious black hole appearing in my uterus. The tech brought ...

 32 weeks! As of today, we hit the 33 week mark of being pregnant!!! -9 of those weeks have been spent flat on my back. -3 of those weeks have been spent in the hospital. Baby P should weigh between 4.5 and 5 lbs.  I continue to have some pretty aggressive heartburn which in my mind means he is just getting more and more hair! I have not gone stir crazy!  As mentioned previously, I am reading books and magazines, working Sudoku puzzles, and I've begun working on a braided rug for P's room.  I also continue to have the most loving friends and family.  Between visits, calls, e-mails, and packages, I am 100% entertained and taken care of.  Each interaction means the world to me and I hope each of these people that send a card or stop by know that their prayers, thoughts, love and friendship have helped get us to where we are today! That being said...I may have had a mini meltdown last week.  I managed to have it without anyone else being aroun...

 The location of P's upcoming (first) vacation...St. Petersburg, FL  You know how the night before vacation, you have a hard time sleeping because you think of everything you need to do/pack and you are so bloody excited?  Well the night before checking into the hospital for a long term stay is kind of the same way, minus the surge of excitement.  I laid in bed and watched the sun stream through the window as my husband silently snoozed next to me.  Alone with my thoughts, I realized that this would be the last time I would wake up in our bed without a baby in the next room.  I then had a mini moment of panic.  All this time, I had been so focused on P's health, keeping him in there, and just getting through one day at a time that I hadn't taken the time to think about post-delivery.  Once I have this baby...we will have a baby!  Cripes!  That thought scared the daylights out of me.  Obviously I knew we were having a baby, but...

We had an appointment yesterday and there are all kinds of big things happening in my BIG belly! Here are baby P's latest tricks; -He opens his eyes and looks around. Yesterday while we were watching the ultrasound, he was looking from side to side and blinking. -He sticks his tongue out. He gave us a little tongue peep show while we were watching. -He has hair! It's just a little fuzz now, but the tech anticipates it to grow grow grow before we have him.  Maybe the old wives tale about having heartburn really is true!! -His toes are ticklish. He was stretched out with his feet planted on my side, but when she would run the wand over the bottoms, he would curl up in a ball until she quit. -He's practicing his breathing! She could feel and see him trying to expand his lungs to prepare them for life on the outside.  I felt the same sensation the night before and just thought he was moving like crazy.  Now I know what it feels like when he practices breathing!! ...

Happy 28 weeks!!! It's been a busy couple of weeks around the couch!!!  This past Monday we hit 28 weeks!  This is the first date our Dr. told us to aim for.  A sigh of relief could be heard for miles as we marked that day off the calendar.  Next goal...32 weeks!  Yesterday we had an appointment so I could take the Glucola test.  This test is administered for all pregnancies to detect gestational diabetes.  I will get the results Mon. or Tues. of next week.  Fingers crossed, it comes back negative!  Baby P's heartbeat was perfect and my stomach is measuring right on target.  Nothing is as reassuring as having a good appointment! This week we celebrated my Poppa's birthday!  Since my activity is limited my family had a "surround the couch" birthday party.  My dad smoked ribs and brought them over while my sweet husband cooked up sweet potatoes and made homemade ice cream.  It was bizarre laying on the couch...