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Showing posts from September, 2015

Learning after Loss

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Looking back I love "looking back" on Facebook at the pictures and posts from years past.  The other day the above picture popped up in my feed.  Five years after this photo was taken, I look at it and feel my heart drop.  I can still feel the sadness that I carried in my heart on that very day.  I can see my smile was forced and although I was glad to be surrounded by dear friends, I felt alone. I was roughly 1.5 months pregnant with our honeymoon baby.  I knew the child in my stomach had been dealt a fatal prognosis.   I knew the chance of me carrying this baby to full term was less than 1%.  I knew that every second I carried this baby was 1 second closer to having to tell her good-bye. A small number of people knew at the time what my husband and I were facing, I didn't want to deal with the woeful looks from friends and family.  Looking back, I wouldn't change that.  We needed the time both during and after to figure out how to move forward.  After we ha

Then he turned 4

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4 years old and so very loved The way his blue eyes sparkle will stop you in your tracks.  The way his mouth turns up into a grin makes smiling contagious.  The way his blonde hair shimmers in the sun will make you think there's gold mixed in.  The amount of joy he has brought to our lives...indescribable.   At Birth                         4 Years 6lbs 5.9oz                     36lbs    19 inches                    34 inches Newborn Baby P He rolls out of bed around 6:45 and wants to cuddle for a few minutes before asking for breakfast.  I love the way his hair sticks up crazy and how he looks in his little truck jammies.  I hope he lets me dress him in matching top and pant jammies for another 4 years.  He wants cereal for breakfast, every morning.  His favorites are Special K and Life.  Throw in some fruit (any kind will do) and he's set for the morning.   After breakfast he will dress himself in play shorts and t-shirt.  If we are going into town or

Two-Rrific little Girl

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Baby L I remember looking at the ultrasound screen and knowing I was looking at our daughter before the ultrasound tech could say the words, "It's a girl!" I watched the itty bitty squiggly baby girl and felt excitement and fear.  Images of big bows, sassy attitudes, and spilled nail polish flashed through my brain.  Fast forward 2 years later....and all the images are true.  The fear I previously felt has turned to enjoyment, to pride, to immense love.  The little girl that scared me so much before she even weighed 1lb., has now turned 2. Birth                               2 Years 7 lbs 5oz                       24 lbs (14%) 19.5 inches                   28 inches (9%) This little doll rises and shines around 7am each and every day.  She'll start singing, talking to her stuffed dog or monkey, or she'll say "Mommy, I want out."  I look forward to hearing that sweet little voice because I know I'm about to be greeted with a smile f

Table for 4

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Just the 2 of Us Prior to meeting Scott, I went through a phase of thinking I didn't want children (that was a result of being around undisciplined children).  Then I thought for awhile that I wanted a big family, 5 kids sounded just about right.  And then I met Scott. My sister & I (sometime in the 80's) Scott came from a family of 4 as did I.  As we talked about the future and marriage, the topic of children was a light conversation.  We both wanted kids, just a couple, but if for whatever reason kids weren't a part of our future together, we would be ok with that.  We didn't set a timeline or come to a conclusion about how many kids we wanted, we just agreed to let life happen. Family of 4 Now we have our own little family of 4.  Scott has this perfect little replica of himself that he's taught about fuel injection and hydraulic pressure.  I have this perfect little replica of myself (as a blonde) that is sassy and sweet and will break more t