Life as a Pregnant Momma

The Pregnant Momma

As I had my blood drawn for the triple screen test, I was nervous.  My wonderful Dr. told me she would call if the test came back with a positive for increased levels of AFP, hCG, or Estriol.  I should have asked how long the results typically take because after a week went by, I wasn't sure if I should be relieved because she hadn't called or if I should continue to worry because the results weren't back.  I did what any normal concerned Momma would do...I called the office.  I explained that I knew they wouldn't call unless the test came back with "something," but I needed to know if I could go ahead and stop worrying.  She laughed and said she would check if the results were back.  She put me on hold and the only sounds I could hear were my heartbeat and the elevator music.  My heartbeat was louder than the music yet strangely it seemed they were in tune.  I heard the "hold" button click off and she said with a laugh "you have nothing to worry about, the test came back clear." I let out the breath I had been holding and thanked her.  I quickly called Scott.

I am much more nervous this time around.  That probably doesn't make sense as I am having zero issues with this pregnancy.  But the truth is, I know what is at stake.  I know how it feels to have your newborn placed in your arms and to have your child look into your eyes for the first time as if saying "So YOU'RE my Momma."  I know what's at stake.  I know what we lose if something goes wrong. 

My emotions are on high alert this time around.  I feel as though I can't tell Paisley I love him enough times in one day.  I can't quit kissing this tiny boy who just wants to play with his trucks, but his dang ole' Momma keeps picking him up and rubbing her cheek against his.  I hold him longer at night in the dark of his room, telling him sweet dreams and kissing his face before I have to lay him in bed and walk out of his room.  Pregnancy has made me fall even more in love with our tiny tot.  I realize his time as an only child is quickly coming to an end.  I want need him to know well before this new little fish arrives that he is special and loved.  That he is and always will be my baby. 


We were nervous and scared and so in love

The night before our anatomy scan that dark cloud of concern joined me on the couch.  It sat there as I watched our sleeping baby on the monitor.  Typically the optimist, I just felt I needed to brace my heart for darkness that could enter our lives.  If something were to happen with our baby, it wasn't just Scott and I that it would affect, but also the life of our little boy.  The thought of little P seeing his Momma and Poppa going through any sort of hurt or grief was enough to get my emotions going, as if my emotions need anymore than a Hallmark commercial to get them going at this point. 

That night I had a dream that not only woke me from my sleep, but woke me with tears streaming down my face.  When I was pregnant with P, I dreamt about him, I dreamt about our blue eyed baby boy before we were even 7 weeks along.  At that point, I knew in my heart that we were having a boy and he was perfect.   I carried that thought with me throughout my entire pregnancy.  I would even say seeing him in my dreams, knowing he was going to be ok, was enough to get me through those months on bed rest.  On this particular emotion filled night, my dreams took me to the delivery room.  As I was about to give birth Dr. Turquist-Wells, the MFM Specialist walked into our room.  This specialist helped bring our healthy Paisley into the world, but she was also the bearer of bad news.  As I saw her in my dream, I lost it.  I screamed at her, asking her why she was there.  She always delivered bad news, therefore as she appeared as I was about to give birth, I just knew something was wrong with the baby.  My mother scolded me for being rude but I explained she was bringing us bad news about our baby.  Thru my tears, the Dr said with a smile, "I'm here to tell you everything is fine and your baby is perfect."  As she said those words I collapsed into a sobbing heap.  At that point I woke up. 

The smallest holder of my heart

I told Scott about the dream and said I think it was my bodies way of telling me to relax.  I chose to take my dream as a sign that we, all 4 of us, are going to be fine and healthy. 

The following day as I laid down on the examine table and the warm jelly was spread across my stomach, Scott took my hand and we breathed in deep.  This was it.  Within moments we would find out the gender of our baby and also get a good look at the structural development of baby as well as its heart.  I wanted to stop time and just stay with what we currently knew...that we had one healthy baby boy and I was currently pregnant with zero issues.  That was enough for me.  I just wanted to take this picture perfect scenario and run out of there as fast as I could.  But, knowledge is power and we were ready to hear about this new life forming inside.

As the baby appeared on the screen, the flickering heartbeat quickly became visible.  That was the first step towards me relaxing.  As the tech explained they were doing a very thorough examine and not to think anything as they lingered over certain areas longer than others.  She knows me well and how my brain works. 

Sweetest kisses

Each bone was perfect in length.  The nasal bone was visible.  All 4 chambers of the heart were clear.  The head was measuring perfectly.  As she listed off each item, Scott would squeeze my hand and a tear would roll down the side of my face.  Finally, finally we were having our perfect ultra sound.  Finally we weren't hearing words like "chromosomal" or "abnormal."  The words "structurally perfect" were spoken and "no issues."  My placenta was even further away from the birth canal than they hoped which makes Vasa Previa a non-existent concern.  She asked if we wanted to know the gender and with large smiles and light shoulders, Scott and I both said "Yes" and exclaimed our predictions for the gender.  We both guessed it right.

The big gender reveal for our family is going to be Saturday night.  I know it's kind of cruel to not tell you now, but this is just a cheap way for me to get you back to my blog in the future. 

As of right now, I feel like I can relax and enjoy this last 1/2 of the pregnancy.  I've got my emotions in check and Paisley is just going to have to understand that Momma needs a lot of kisses.  This pregnancy business is one wild ride, but I wouldn't trade it for any other experience.  We are on this ride, the 4 of us, together.