Monday, August 25, 2014

I Hope...

While singing along in the car, I felt goosebumps rise on my arms and warm tears fill the brim of my eyelids.  At first I thought, "what the heck?"  Then I realized it was the words of the song on the radio that were pulling at my heartstrings.  I've heard and sang the song a million times before, but never to my two sleeping angels, peaceful in their carseats, trusting in me to get them home safe, trusting me to teach them about the world passing outside their windows, teaching them how to live.    

Read the words to this song.  Sing the words to your babies.  Show them how to dance.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',

Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, 
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. 

Dance....I hope you dance. 

Friday, August 22, 2014

Happy 1st Birthday Lila Liz


                                                            Birth           1 Year
                                                       7lbs 5oz       17lbs 14oz
                                                    19.5 inches       29 inches

Happy Birthday Lil Lila!!!!

I think she decided she would give me a gift....she's sleeping through the night!  She protested a couple nights, but finally gave in and is now silent 7:30pm-6:30am.  It's AMAZING how a full nights sleep can make me feel like a new person.  My body actually had a little trouble remaining asleep all night the first few nights.  It was almost like I was getting too much sleep.

This girl is an eater.  In the morning it is common for her to polish off at least 1 scrambled egg.  She's a huge fan of toast and sausage and pretty much all other breakfast items.  She enjoys all fruit (except bananas) and vegetables!  I've also started giving her whole milk during the day.  She still nurses about 3 times a day and I nurse her to sleep at night.

I love this age as she is really gaining independence and a voice.  She is quick to point out an object (drink, toy, Paisley) and grunt.    A few things she says are;
Zeezee (Paisley)
KeeKee (kitty)
Ba (bite if we are at the table, book if she's holding a book towards me)

She loves holding her sippy cup and drinking cold water.  She loves her dolls and cuddles them so sweetly.  She continues to be enamored with her brother and laughs at everything he does.  She's ticklish and loves splashing about in the bath rub.

She had a bit of a fever this month that lasted over 48 hours.  I chalked it up to teething.  She now has 5 teeth, 3 on top, 2 on bottom.  She also had her first overnight at Nana and Poppa's without me!! Mom was pretty happy she slept all night!

Little sister is an animal lover!  She loves when kitty sits in the window and she can stare eye to eye with him.  We go to the zoo frequently and she holds her hand out to each and every animal.  She prefers animals to strangers and is hesitant to let anyone outside the immediate family hold her.  Crawling is her preferred method of getting from place to place.  She has taken a single step, but then falls to the ground and crawls.  

She isn't a great day napper...sometimes falling asleep to wake up 15 minutes later and not shutting her eyes again until nightfall.  Those make for some long days!  I love dressing her up, sticking a bow in her hair and parading around town with her.  She's my little sidekick and happiest in my arms.

I have Lila in cloth diapers when we are home and switch to paper when we are out and about.  She continues to be much harder headed about potty training then Paisley.  We continue to have roughly 70% success with peeing in the potty, but only 50% success with #2.    I am hoping that changes soon!!

As she drifts off to sleep she buries her hand in my hair and starts to twist it.  I can't imagine where she picked that trait up.  I put her in her crib with her blankie and stuffed bunny.  She quickly rolls onto her stomach and buries her hands beneath her.  She is so much like her momma...

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Saturday, August 9, 2014

Reflections from a Sappy Momma

As I look at the calendar creeping closer to our babies turning 1 and 3, I am filled with relief, happiness, a touch of longing, and joy.
August 2013

August 2014
I've always been up for an adventure.  I've never hesitated to share a hotel room with a stranger in unforeseen circumstances, hitchhike through the Tetons, or set sail on a vintage catamaran that ultimately sank and left us floating in the ocean.  None of those adventures were as scary or joyous as raising these two tiny people.  There hasn't been an adventure that has filled my soul as completely or taught me more then the past 3 years of motherhood.  As I look into their faces I am thankful, I am in awe, I am humbled.  Out of all the countries and unique places I have visited, I have never seen a site more beautiful then staring into the eyes of our children.

The day Paisley was born (despite being mildly goofy from the medicine and the passing of 3 years) I can remember exactly how I felt as I looked at his face.  I was so proud of this miracle Scott and I had created.  I felt so much relief that he was healthy.  Laying in the hospital holding him was one of the most peaceful moments of my life.  I could have remained in that moment forever.

The day Lila was born was easier because I knew exactly what to expect.  As they laid her across my chest, I was flooded with the same feelings of love and peacefulness that I felt with Paisley.  Once I had my son cuddled up next to me in the hospital bed and Lila in my arms, my life was complete.  Holding our 2 beautiful healthy children felt like the equivalent of running a marathon and getting the gold medal.  The difficult part was over.

I was ready to leave the hospital quicker with our daughter then I was with our son because I was ready for the 4 of us to be home together.  Those first few weeks being at home as a family of 4 was harder than I ever anticipated.  I would put Paisley to sleep, scoop Lila in my arms and cry my eyes out as I rocked her to sleep.  I worried that Paisley would resent us for not letting him be an only child.  I worried that I wouldn't be good at splitting my love between 2 tiny children.  I worried that the amount of worrying I was doing was unhealthy.  Those nights were the hardest part of having these babies. 

As can be expected, time passed and those awful hormones released the death grip they had on my heart.  My nights were no longer filled with tears, but with the bleariness of an infant that wouldn't sleep through the night and a toddler that ran full throttle all day.  I was exhausted, but also full.  I knew the nights our daughter needed me during the twilight hours were few.  The stillness of our house, the moon passing through the cracks of her blinds, the warmth and softness of her face pressed against me were moments that I let soak into my soul.  Yes I grumbled occasionally about the lack of sleep, but those moments were far more precious then sleep.

Introducing Paisley to Lila was wonderful and hard.  He wasn't quite 2 and not able to voice his thoughts.  Did he worry we were replacing him or that he wasn't enough?  Did he understand his Mommas heart had more then enough room in it to go around?  He went through various stages of ignoring her, to being curious about her, to flat out annoying her.  As they've gotten older, they are starting to enjoy one another.  Their relationship makes my heart smile.  They know how to get under the others skin and yet I'll catch them snuggle up with one another and explode into a fit of giggles. 

I would love to have a 3rd.  I loved seeing the positive pregnancy test, knowing that nothing short of a miracle was forming inside my body.  I loved feeling the movement, the hiccups, the excitement of giving birth and growing our family.  Of course there are the laundry list of things that were less lovely, those less desirable parts of pregnancy fade quickly with the passing of time.

As I tuck our children in bed, I smile knowing I am doing exactly what I was made to be doing.  It is my job to raise these little people to be the best people they can be, and while each day isn't easy, each day is worth it.

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