An Untimely Reunion

Finding beauty amidst the sadness

Despite the date lit up on my computer screen, I couldn't believe it'd been over 15 years since graduating high school.  I still remembered the sound of lockers being slammed, the excitement of pep rallies, and the smell of the cafeteria.  When information about our 15 year class reunion began circulating a couple years back, I smiled at those days so long ago then deleted the information.  I still spoke with those I was close to but didn't feel a need to attend the event.  Without giving it a second thought, the class reunion came and went.

A few weeks ago, via Facebook, I learned that one of my classmates had gone missing in Kentucky Lake. He was someone whom fought and beat cancer, not once but twice a few years before.  Over the next 24 hours I kept my eyes on Facebook hoping for news he had been found alive.  Roughly 48 hours later I got news that his body had been found.  He was gone.  

The news hit harder than expected.  I hadn't physically seen him or spoke in person to him in years. Our memories happened so long ago in what now feels like another lifetime.  Yet hearing of his passing threw me back into my senior year of high school.  At that time I had a crush on this boy and even told another girl to steer clear!  My senior book has photos of his face randomly taped throughout.  It was a high school crush that filled the heart of my 17 year old self.

After high school we took different paths and made different friends.  Facebook filled in the years between as it does with so many people in our lives.  His pictures showed that his boyish good looks followed him as he turned into a handsome man.  I knew from his posts that the kindness he had in high school had not been lost over the years.  And in that instant on Kentucky Lake...it was over.

I arrived at the showing on the arm of my best friend from high school.  As we walked up we ran into one of his best friends, another classmate I hadn't seen in years.  I gave my condolences and in the next breath stated how good it was to see him.  This was a theme that continued as we made our way through the funeral home, embracing friends from years before.  All the "boys" that I watched play football and basketball had been replaced by men.  The girls I had slumber parties with and told my secrets had turned into women with families of their own.  Had so much time really passed since the last time I saw these once so familiar faces?  My sadness over the occasion had to share space with the greatfulness I felt for these people that were there.  The friends I had shared a part of my life with, a group of people that I am forever linked to despite time passed or distance that separates.  It was a welcome emotion in the midst of the sadness.

The casket and flowers were perfect.  His smiling photos surrounded us as we spoke to his parents.  I couldn't keep the fiery tears that pooled in the corners of my eyes under control as we reminisced with our old friends.  Final condolences paired with hugs were given and promises of seeing one another soon were spoken.  We slipped into the hot summer sun and drove away from the little town that had originally brought us all together.

I felt guilty that so much time had passed since seeing or speaking to some of these people that I shared an early part of my life with.  I also felt thankful that it isn't too late to reconnect and spend more time with this crew going forward.  When my 20 year reunion invite arrives, not only am I excited to RSVP, but I will be looking forward to it.

Death isn't the end, only a new beginning.      

Jesse Nickens 1980-2016