Coming Full Circle
It was 4 years ago this time of year that Scott and I had driven to Louisville to meet with Dr. Pietrantoni. He was the perinatologist that was going to help us understand what was happening with our honeymoon baby. We knew the prognosis was fatal, but we wanted to arm ourselves with as much information as possible.
In the small office as I laid on the exam table holding Scott's hand, we learned that we had already ran out of time. Our honeymoon baby had already earned her angel wings and there was nothing we could do.
We checked into a hotel in Louisville to contact our families and grieve. We stayed at the Galt House which had a beautiful view of the river. After gathering our thoughts and dealing with very raw emotions, we walked to a nearby restaurant for milk and cookies (it's what I wanted).
The hotel we were staying in advertised a Christmas event geared towards children. It featured lights, music, trees, Santa, and more! All I wanted was to bring our child to this festival to breath in the Christmas lights and feel the spirit of the Christmas season. That wasn't going to happen and that was hard to accept.
Back in the hotel I shared a bed with our precious honeymoon baby and Scott for the last time ever. It was such a dark sad night that I didn't know how I would ever climb out of this well of sadness.
I will never be over losing our first baby. I am comforted in knowing our first baby lives in our 2 earthly children (how else would these kids have so much spirit, energy, life if they didn't have a little help from an angel above?).
This past weekend we loaded up our 2 babies and headed to the Galt House. Our children looked in awe at the twinkling Christmas lights, danced to the Christmas music, and shyly looked at Santa from the safety of our arms. I smiled for a million reasons. I was happy to kick off the Christmas season with my little family. That night I laid in bed at the Galt House and listened to the breath of our son change as he drifted off to sleep, while the other mumbled baby noises as she dreamt about sugar plum fairies and sippy cups of juice. I held my husbands hand and whispered about how life was drastically different today than 4 years ago. "It's come full circle," he said.
We don't know why bad things happen or why we are forced to endure such pain and tragedy. I have learned that despite our darkest nights, morning always comes. And sometimes that morning light is so beautiful and perfect that it heals our pain and takes away our sadness. We are reminded that we are exactly where we are meant to be.
I hope each of you find comfort from your pain. I hope you feel the spirit of Christmas move in your heart as we get closer to the day of His birth. I hope you each feel the kind of love that makes you feel at peace with this life we live.
In the small office as I laid on the exam table holding Scott's hand, we learned that we had already ran out of time. Our honeymoon baby had already earned her angel wings and there was nothing we could do.
We checked into a hotel in Louisville to contact our families and grieve. We stayed at the Galt House which had a beautiful view of the river. After gathering our thoughts and dealing with very raw emotions, we walked to a nearby restaurant for milk and cookies (it's what I wanted).
The hotel we were staying in advertised a Christmas event geared towards children. It featured lights, music, trees, Santa, and more! All I wanted was to bring our child to this festival to breath in the Christmas lights and feel the spirit of the Christmas season. That wasn't going to happen and that was hard to accept.
Back in the hotel I shared a bed with our precious honeymoon baby and Scott for the last time ever. It was such a dark sad night that I didn't know how I would ever climb out of this well of sadness.
I will never be over losing our first baby. I am comforted in knowing our first baby lives in our 2 earthly children (how else would these kids have so much spirit, energy, life if they didn't have a little help from an angel above?).
This past weekend we loaded up our 2 babies and headed to the Galt House. Our children looked in awe at the twinkling Christmas lights, danced to the Christmas music, and shyly looked at Santa from the safety of our arms. I smiled for a million reasons. I was happy to kick off the Christmas season with my little family. That night I laid in bed at the Galt House and listened to the breath of our son change as he drifted off to sleep, while the other mumbled baby noises as she dreamt about sugar plum fairies and sippy cups of juice. I held my husbands hand and whispered about how life was drastically different today than 4 years ago. "It's come full circle," he said.
We don't know why bad things happen or why we are forced to endure such pain and tragedy. I have learned that despite our darkest nights, morning always comes. And sometimes that morning light is so beautiful and perfect that it heals our pain and takes away our sadness. We are reminded that we are exactly where we are meant to be.
I hope each of you find comfort from your pain. I hope you feel the spirit of Christmas move in your heart as we get closer to the day of His birth. I hope you each feel the kind of love that makes you feel at peace with this life we live.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
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