Mom Guilt - That was Quick!

I re-entered the workforce yesterday and was happy to find myself back in the world of working outside the home.  It was hard to leave the kids and know that my time as a stay at home mom was over however, the time had come.

Last night after the dinner dishes had been cleared and bedtime was upon us, it seemed the kids were extra wound up.  They had to be reminded a handful of times to brush their teeth, pick up their toys, and get ready for bed.  Finally, they were tucked in and I was exhausted.  At that moment Lila asked if I would lay with her for a bit.  In my mind, I really wanted to get a hot shower.  I needed to get things ready for my next day of work.  I had a million other tasks that I thought needed to be done.  Immediately I felt the cold sick feeling of guilt wash over me.  I had been away from her all day and at bedtime all she wanted was to snuggle me, her momma.  

I crawled in bed next to her.  As I looked at her tiny face lit by the light of her alarm clock her eyes were pinched shut, but she had a huge grin on her face.  Her grin was so precious and sweet that despite feeling guilt for not wanting to spend this time with her just a few minutes prior, I smiled back.  Her eyes slowly opened to peek at me.  When she realized I was smiling at her, her eyes flew open wide and she immediately started talking.  “Do you know what I see when I close my eyes?” she asked.  “I picture daddy making toast, flowers in vases around our house, and you smiling at me.”  With those words her little eyes closed and within minutes her breathing had taken on a deepness that means she entered the world of dreams. 

I felt the warm prickle of wetness sting the corners of my eyes as her words sank in.  She wasn’t upset that I had spent the day away from her.  She didn’t realize that I had hesitated when she asked me to lay with her and that silently I had sighed realizing I wouldn’t be getting my shower as quickly as I had previous hoped.  She was just happy I was there, snuggled up next to her.  She had nothing but happy thoughts running through her little head.  It was exactly what I needed after my first day back to work. 

 Isn’t it amazing that somehow children know exactly what we need before we (the adults) realize it?  I am so thankful for these 2 children that love me unconditionally.  I am thankful for a loving husband that was supportive during my time as a stay at home mom and is now equally supportive that I’ve returned to work.  I am thankful for the friends and family that have helped us adjust to our new routine.  I’m sure the mom guilt will rear its head again in the future; however, I will just remember that snuggling our babies at bedtime is the perfect cure.