Mom Guilt - That was Quick!
I re-entered the workforce yesterday and was happy to find
myself back in the world of working outside the home. It was hard to leave the kids and know that
my time as a stay at home mom was over however, the time had come.
Last night after the dinner dishes had been cleared and bedtime
was upon us, it seemed the kids were extra wound up. They had to be reminded a handful of times to
brush their teeth, pick up their toys, and get ready for bed. Finally, they were tucked in and I was
exhausted. At that moment Lila asked if
I would lay with her for a bit. In my
mind, I really wanted to get a hot shower.
I needed to get things ready for my next day of work. I had a million other tasks that I thought
needed to be done. Immediately I felt
the cold sick feeling of guilt wash over me.
I had been away from her all day and at bedtime all she wanted was to
snuggle me, her momma.
I crawled in bed next to her. As I looked at her tiny face lit by the light
of her alarm clock her eyes were pinched shut, but she had a huge grin on her
face. Her grin was so precious and sweet
that despite feeling guilt for not wanting to spend this time with her just a
few minutes prior, I smiled back. Her
eyes slowly opened to peek at me. When
she realized I was smiling at her, her eyes flew open wide and she immediately
started talking. “Do you know what I see
when I close my eyes?” she asked. “I
picture daddy making toast, flowers in vases around our house, and you smiling
at me.” With those words her little eyes
closed and within minutes her breathing had taken on a deepness that means she entered
the world of dreams.
I felt the warm prickle of wetness sting the corners of my
eyes as her words sank in. She wasn’t
upset that I had spent the day away from her.
She didn’t realize that I had hesitated when she asked me to lay with
her and that silently I had sighed realizing I wouldn’t be getting my shower as
quickly as I had previous hoped. She was
just happy I was there, snuggled up next to her. She had nothing but happy thoughts running through
her little head. It was exactly what I
needed after my first day back to work.
Isn’t it amazing that somehow children know exactly what we
need before we (the adults) realize it?
I am so thankful for these 2 children that love me unconditionally. I am thankful for a loving husband that was supportive during my time as a stay at home mom and is now equally supportive that I’ve returned to work. I am
thankful for the friends and family that have helped us adjust to our new routine. I’m sure the mom guilt will rear its head
again in the future; however, I will just remember that snuggling our babies at
bedtime is the perfect cure.
What a precious reminder! Congrats on your new job and congrats on being a great mom. Welcome back to blogging :)
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