I Wanna Talk about ME!

I'm a little over a year into the Mommy business and I've blogged a lot about that kid because let's face it, he's pretty dang cute and special.  To mix things up, I figured I would blog a little about me, because my attitude, feelings, and emotions are a little bit different now than they were 13 months ago.  I want to remember how I felt as a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mom, and a friend, 10 years from now, as I think back to the time my infant became a toddler.

Exhaustion from skiing is NOTHING compared
to exhaustion from having a teething baby

Currently, I'm exhausted.  We have some teething going on and possibly a bit of bug.  Paisley has been running a low grade fever and it seems separation anxiety has reared it's ugly head.  Some days just getting out of my pajamas is a struggle as the second I sit baby boy down on the ground, he screams like someone is dangling him over a pit of crocodiles.  I don't understand it and it hurts my heart.  I quickly change clothes (brush teeth, etc.) and pick him back up. 

I still have mommy brain.  It's awful.  The other day I couldn't think of the word "gravity" and had to say "you know, the thing that holds everything on earth."  You can imagine the strange looks I got for that.  I always thought I was a fairly smart cat, but man-oh-man, Baby Brain is real and doesn't appear to be going away anytime soon. 

I can fit into every piece of clothing I owned pre-Paisley, but it just fits differently.  I'm not sure how I feel about my new body, I'm just not used to it yet.  I have been taking a fairly intense work-out class 1-2 times a week and I really enjoy it.  It is something I enjoy doing for myself.  If the class doesn't get rid of the little pooch I still have, well at least Paisley has somewhere to sit when I hold him.

Since I talked about working-out, I might as well talk about eating as well.  I am starving pretty much any time I am awake.  Even after I just finished eating, I am rarely ever full.  How am I hungry all the time?  I tried eating apples as a snack, but realized that eating apples just makes me hungrier.  Is that possible?   Now I snack on Goldfish crackers and they are way more filling than apples! 



Prior to motherhood, one of my most emotional moments came
during my days as a firefighter.

Years ago, my family used to say my heart was made of ice. I just didn't show much emotion to anything.  It's not that I didn't care, because I did, but I just didn't feel the need to show it to anyone.  It was very easy for me to separate myself from any situation and just plug forward with my life.  Fast forward to now.  I am all emotion, all the time.  It's not that I go around crying, but I feel so much for others.  Example, I came across a blog about a little girl named Lucy that is battling cancer.  She has been fighting this disease for almost 2 years.  She's had good days and bad days and her parents have literally been through hell (sorry mom) and back as they've almost lost their little girl numerous times.  I check their blog daily and Paisley and I pray for little Lucy every night.  I've never met her, I don't even know anyone that knows her in real life, but I think about this family daily.  My heart hurts for them.  I can barely stomach news stories about people that hurt children or children that are found wondering around the streets at night by themselves.  It literally breaks my heart.  I'm going to save the rest of my "emotion" discussion for another blog, but just wanted to mention it here. 




Before the wedding, before the baby, I could travel carelessly
to the ends of the world.  I wouldn't trade one day of
wife/motherhood for a round trip ticket anywhere.

Last but not least....my feelings on Love have changed.  Of course I have always loved my parents, but I had no idea how much they loved me until I had a child of my own.  It's not easy raising a child, it's not easy to love your child when they are up at 2am screaming at the top of their lungs for no apparent reason.  But my parents did it, and now I'm doing it, because of the love we feel for our child(ren).  In raising my child, my love has grown for my parents as I now understand what they have sacrificed to give me the happy childhood I have had.  To watch them now give that same unyielding love to Paisley makes my heart grow. 

 

Life is tiring, but it is good.  The teething phase will pass, I will get used to my "mommy" body, I will probably start carrying a Thesaurus around, and I will get a better handle on my emotions.  Until then, I'll just sip my coffee and eat a couple Goldfish crackers.

 

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