1 Girl, 3 Hats, and a Messy House!
Maternity leave ended much to quickly. One day I'm having a baby and the next I'm trying to figure out which pair of black work pants I can squeeze myself in to. In all reality, I was off 20 weeks total. 12 weeks pre-baby and 8 weeks post baby. I wish it could have been the other way around but I'm just thankful I have a healthy baby in my arms.
As my first day at work drew near, I began to have every worry under the sun. What if something happened to him while I was at work? What if he refused to eat? What if my supply dried up and we had to switch to formula. I began taking more time putting him back to bed after his 2AM feeding. I held him and stared at his chubby little face...hoping he wouldn't think I was abandoning him. Mentally, I made returning back to work worse than it actually was.
As I walked thru the doors of my office building, I was transported back to that day 5 months ago when I left the building to attend a Drs. appointment. Who knew that I wouldn't be returning until now. So much had changed in the past 5 months. I had changed, my husband had changed, we now held the title of "Parents" and our family of 2 had become a party of 3. Life as we knew it was drastically different. Not to mention sleep was an old friend that I longed to catch up with.
My desk had been decorated with baby confetti, a "Welcome Back Fish" sign, pictures of Baby P that had been printed off Facebook, a "Mommy & Me" frame, a bouquet of flowers, and a gift card to Starbucks. It's safe to say that I was missed. I appreciated it. I needed it. Only 45 minutes before I had dropped my baby boy off at his Grandma's. And while he is in loving, capable hands, they aren't my hands. And I missed him.
It was easy to pick up where I had left off at the office. It was great to see the faces of my co-workers and I didn't mind everyone asking, "how is the baby?" I welcomed the chance to talk about him. It brought a smile to my face every time. As 5 o'clock hit I was out the door and heading home. Waiting for me was the most precious baby boy and husband I had ever come home to. I scooped up P and my husband held us both. Finally…we were all home together.
As the week trucked on, I came down with a respiratory virus that didn't want to loosen its grip. Between being sick, lacking sleep, and now working a 40 hour work week, I quickly became a disheveled, even more tired, sick, not-so-fun-to-be-around momma/wife/friend. I would wake up at 5:30 to feed the babe and get myself ready for work. I was out the door at 7, home by 5:30, trying to get dinner on the table, while bonding/feeding P, while asking my husband how his day was, while washing cloth diapers, trying to get lunches packed for the following day, while feeding the baby again, and surviving on 4 hours of sleep to do it all over again. I asked my friends how they did it. Their response- they listened as I cried about how hard it was to raise a baby and maintain a house and be a good wife and put in 40+ hours at work. Then they made us dinners. Every other night a casserole, meatloaf, plate of ribs, or pasta dish appeared. Preparing dinner was done and that was one less task this Momma had to deal with. They have no idea how much that helped those first couple of weeks of me being back at work. It allowed me to focus on my boys.
Scott was a trooper during this transitional period. He would help by throwing in the laundry, heating up dinners, etc. But I couldn't shake from my mind that those are my tasks. I'm the one that should be taking care of the laundry and making sure everyone is fed. I felt like by asking for help, I was failing at my motherly/wife duties. Of course I now realize those darn pregnancy hormones hadn't completely exited my system and there isn't anything wrong with asking for help. Had he not helped, had my friends not made us dinner, I may have had a post-partum meltdown of enormous proportions. That wouldn't have been good for anyone.
I have a newfound respect for working women that have small children. I've learned that my house isn't going to be clean like it used to be, and I'm ok with that. My husband and I can still have our nightly chats about the events of our day, but now we postpone those talks until after the little one has been fed. Dinner may not be cooking on the stove every night, but the occasional pizza from the Silver Bell isn't going to kill us. We knew cloth diapers would cause us more work, but when we look at the big picture, we wouldn't change that decision.
Single parents are another group that I have a newfound respect for. I can't imagine how they do it. I struggle, but I have a husband that shares those struggles with me. After being awakened 2-3 times a night, I crawl back into bed next to a guy that kisses my face and tells me he loves me and his boy. I need that. I need a partner during this time. And all the time. Sometimes Scott will say "I don't know how you do it," referring to me functioning (I use that term loosely) on so little sleep and going about my daily business. I tell him it's because I have to. I guess that same rule applies to single parents. They do it because they have to.
I don't know if the future gets easier or if we get used to our new life. Either way, I'll put a smile on my face and continue to be the best wife, mother, and employee I can be. I can smile because the 3 of us are doing this together. And together we can survive anything.
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| Please don't go back to work Mommy |
As my first day at work drew near, I began to have every worry under the sun. What if something happened to him while I was at work? What if he refused to eat? What if my supply dried up and we had to switch to formula. I began taking more time putting him back to bed after his 2AM feeding. I held him and stared at his chubby little face...hoping he wouldn't think I was abandoning him. Mentally, I made returning back to work worse than it actually was.
As I walked thru the doors of my office building, I was transported back to that day 5 months ago when I left the building to attend a Drs. appointment. Who knew that I wouldn't be returning until now. So much had changed in the past 5 months. I had changed, my husband had changed, we now held the title of "Parents" and our family of 2 had become a party of 3. Life as we knew it was drastically different. Not to mention sleep was an old friend that I longed to catch up with.
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| Sleep when the baby sleeps? I'd rather snuggle him. |
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| My Boys |
It was easy to pick up where I had left off at the office. It was great to see the faces of my co-workers and I didn't mind everyone asking, "how is the baby?" I welcomed the chance to talk about him. It brought a smile to my face every time. As 5 o'clock hit I was out the door and heading home. Waiting for me was the most precious baby boy and husband I had ever come home to. I scooped up P and my husband held us both. Finally…we were all home together.
As the week trucked on, I came down with a respiratory virus that didn't want to loosen its grip. Between being sick, lacking sleep, and now working a 40 hour work week, I quickly became a disheveled, even more tired, sick, not-so-fun-to-be-around momma/wife/friend. I would wake up at 5:30 to feed the babe and get myself ready for work. I was out the door at 7, home by 5:30, trying to get dinner on the table, while bonding/feeding P, while asking my husband how his day was, while washing cloth diapers, trying to get lunches packed for the following day, while feeding the baby again, and surviving on 4 hours of sleep to do it all over again. I asked my friends how they did it. Their response- they listened as I cried about how hard it was to raise a baby and maintain a house and be a good wife and put in 40+ hours at work. Then they made us dinners. Every other night a casserole, meatloaf, plate of ribs, or pasta dish appeared. Preparing dinner was done and that was one less task this Momma had to deal with. They have no idea how much that helped those first couple of weeks of me being back at work. It allowed me to focus on my boys.
Scott was a trooper during this transitional period. He would help by throwing in the laundry, heating up dinners, etc. But I couldn't shake from my mind that those are my tasks. I'm the one that should be taking care of the laundry and making sure everyone is fed. I felt like by asking for help, I was failing at my motherly/wife duties. Of course I now realize those darn pregnancy hormones hadn't completely exited my system and there isn't anything wrong with asking for help. Had he not helped, had my friends not made us dinner, I may have had a post-partum meltdown of enormous proportions. That wouldn't have been good for anyone.
I have a newfound respect for working women that have small children. I've learned that my house isn't going to be clean like it used to be, and I'm ok with that. My husband and I can still have our nightly chats about the events of our day, but now we postpone those talks until after the little one has been fed. Dinner may not be cooking on the stove every night, but the occasional pizza from the Silver Bell isn't going to kill us. We knew cloth diapers would cause us more work, but when we look at the big picture, we wouldn't change that decision.
Single parents are another group that I have a newfound respect for. I can't imagine how they do it. I struggle, but I have a husband that shares those struggles with me. After being awakened 2-3 times a night, I crawl back into bed next to a guy that kisses my face and tells me he loves me and his boy. I need that. I need a partner during this time. And all the time. Sometimes Scott will say "I don't know how you do it," referring to me functioning (I use that term loosely) on so little sleep and going about my daily business. I tell him it's because I have to. I guess that same rule applies to single parents. They do it because they have to.
I don't know if the future gets easier or if we get used to our new life. Either way, I'll put a smile on my face and continue to be the best wife, mother, and employee I can be. I can smile because the 3 of us are doing this together. And together we can survive anything.
Like this blog? Leave a comment! Feedback makes me happy!! :)
I was way behind on your blogs. As always they are so good. Kara, Paisley will be a toddler before you know it. Believe me you will miss these hectic times!!! Luv you, Momma
ReplyDeleteOh cute baby and lovely posting
ReplyDelete